I was in the gym today and I saw a man in a big blue hoodie. It first caught my attention because it was odd to see a man in a hoodie at the gym; he presented a little disheveled. I refocused my attention towards my workout and I went on as usual. I noticed him again. This time I noticed his slightly baggy blue jeans, big blue hoodie, and a gold necklace. I was starting my cardio so I refocused again and got started. I usually go to the gym in the mornings and notice it was getting a little more packed than usual. I like my space and usually go to the back of the gym to use the treadmill as they’re not in use as frequently which again gives me space (sometimes I use my workouts to meditate as well, which again is why I like my space… Okay, okay, I know you all get it lol). But today they filled up rather quickly, not sure why other than it being the afternoon and I usually work out in the morning. At this point I was wishing I hadn’t woken up late but decided to give myself some grace by saying “You are here now. That’s all that matters” and got back into it. I was just finishing up my treadmill workout and was preparing to move to the next exercise and I noticed the man and the big blue hoodie again, only this time he was coming toward me, heading to the back of the gym as I was going towards the disinfectant towels. I decided to smile. He went on about his business and went to an empty treadmill next to a man in black shorts and a man in a bright orange shirt.

By this time, I was getting started with my next exercise and noticed the man in the black shorts started to look uncomfortable and then moved to another treadmill far away from the man in the big blue hoodie. I became curious as to why the man moved and started to feel a bit offended for him. My mind began to turn with reasons as to why. As I was thinking, the man with the big blue hoodie, stopped his treadmill workout shortly after and moved on to something else. It had only been about 2 minutes. I started to wonder how the man in the big blue hoodie might be feeling. I began to replay in my mind all the times I noticed him at the gym and realized the man was by himself with no one near or in close proximity most times; not by choice, I assumed, because he would migrate toward people. This felt odd to me due to how overcrowded the gym had become especially today.

I thought “how isolating”. Were people not around him because his outfit didn’t fit appropriate gym attire, were they judging him due to him “not fitting in”, were they fearful of him, were they just minding their own business? Regardless of other people’s intentions, I began wondered how the man in the big blue hoodie felt about it? Was he unbothered, was he hurt, was it his norm, was he accustomed to it? Then I thought, as a mental health professional, should I have talked with him? Would that have been weird? Am I leaping to assumptions? For all I know this man could have left his workout clothes at home, felt dedicated and determined that day and decided to push through.

But none of that mattered because at the end of the day, if this man was simply trying to exercise and as a result be around people in the process – what could feel like a safe place for most, could also feel scary or unsafe for others, including the man with the big blue hoodie. This man could be any person struggling with any issue from depression, anxiety, addiction, and any other mental health experience. What if he was dealing with feelings of sadness and was hoping to feel better by going to the gym -most people know exercise can be an effective coping strategy-but instead he felt worst due people’s judgments and misconceptions? What if he was recovering from something, and was trying to find a healthy distraction but instead felt more isolated potentially triggering deep-dark insecurities with himself? What if he didn’t have the money to buy gym clothes but really wanted to work out and decided to go for it but due to the actions of others, he felt the feelings of shame and “not good enough”?

Many of us are familiar with feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, shame, and not good enough, we’ve all sat with those feelings at one point or another. But can we relate and recognize those feelings within someone we never met? Learning to cultivate empathy and practice compassion is so important. It creates safe spaces and environment and fosters a more connected community.

As humans we all go our own vulnerabilities and challenges, and it is important that we are mindful of how we treat people. Even in spaces such as the gym. Be mindful, not only of your words and what you say, but your actions including your non-verbal communications and tone of voice. Non-verbal communications can make a person feel just as bad as words. Don’t believe me? Think of a time when you walked into a place and you felt ignored, or someone looked at you and made a face, or stared for too long. Still can’t relate? Think of any other situation where someone or someplace made you feel uncomfortable, without saying anything directly mean but the look and tone said enough.

Everyone wants to feel like they belong. Everyone wants to feel accepted for who they are and where they are. The man in the big blue hoodie is someone’s son, could be someone’s brother, uncle, cousin, father, friend, loved one. He matters to someone, just like someone matters to you and you matter to others. Please extend grace and compassion when you can. Even if its just a smile.

As I was driving home, I saw the man in the big blue hoodie walking. I prayed for him on my journey and wished him safety, compassion, and joy on his way.
To the man the big blue hoodie. You matter to me.

Are you intentional in practicing compassion towards others including strangers? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, how can you incorporate this into your lifestyle?

-Tiffany Hawkins Berry M.A LPC RPT